Friday, November 6, 2009

Literary Agent Orson: Damned Fool Idiot

The rain fell so hard, Orson ducked into Bekka’s Shoe Store to wait it out.

“Good day, sir! Half price on everything!” said the salesman.

“No thank you,” Orson said. He stood at the door.

“Okay sir, if you change your mind, name’s Leo, just let me know,” he said and then returned to his conversation. “Where was I at?” he asked the purse lady.

Orson rolled his eyes.

“Something about ‘isms,” she said, rooting furiously through her purses.

“Oh, yeah. Don’t you see, that’s where all the ‘isms’ are? Atheism, agnosticism, feminism, anti-Americanism etc. The left hates America.”

‘What?!,’ Orson thought. ‘The left doesn’t hate America. We are loyal patriots…. Damned fool idiot. What’s he thinking?’

“I don’t think too much about politics, but he sure talks good,” she said throwing a bag aside. "Where's that purple bag? I wanna get it while it's still on sale." She went back to digging.

“Every time a Democrat is elected president, he eviscerates the military and gives the money to welfare recipients…”

‘You mean hungry mouths,’ Orson thought.

“It’s a transfer of wealth and it fosters friction between the classes. All so the poor’ll vote Democrat,” Leo went on.

“I don’t know,” she said bent all the way into the bag bin.

‘Lies, all lies,’ Orson raged internally, his hand on the door. Lightning crashed and he jumped.

“What’s eviskercake mean?” the purse lady asked, stopping for a minute.

‘Oh, Jesus,’ Orson thought.

“It’s eviscerate, with a ‘T’ at the end,” he said. “It's a figure of speech that means to disembowel,” he explained patiently.

"Huh?" she asked, still confused.

"It means to pull the guts out of, but it's just a figure of speech."

‘God, if this keeps up, I may have to keep walking,’ Orson thought. One look outside convinced him otherwise. The sky was black, rain came down in horizontal torrents and lightening struck all around.

“Gross,” she said.

“Yeah, they hate military, they hate organized religion. Their religion is the State. They believe the state must think for the common man. In return the common man is expected to worship at the altar of the State.”

'Balderdash!' Orson thought. He was about to tear his hair out. ‘Actually, It’s true, most people need a little help, and yes the state can do it better, but I can't listen to these ignoramuses anymore!' he trembled with anger as lightening flashed and thundered roared outside.

“Ewe, gross,” she said, straightening up. “So whose guts are they pulling out, again?” she asked with a slightly confused look.

Suddenly the door flew open, and Orson dashed out into the driving rain.

“Look at that damned fool idiot. What's he thinking?” said Leo as he pressed his nose to the glass door and watched Orson disappear into grey.

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